omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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