Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
