Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
