Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
