a queef is a wish your heart makes.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
