You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
When are your genitals available?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize