I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
