Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
