i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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