I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
