You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
