I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
