UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
