I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
