PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
