Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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