i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
