im drinking this country out of the recession.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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