Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
