Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
