i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
