loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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