brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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