Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
