quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i will never coherently bang her
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
