"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
