i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
