I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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