he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
