The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
