hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We named our party play list daddy issues
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
