So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
