I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
