You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
