I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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