i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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