I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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