I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
