she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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