cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize