we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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