i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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