I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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