you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
