OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
