i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize