it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
