I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
