Already got asked if we're dating
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
