I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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