Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
