I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
