so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
