is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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