I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
