You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i need to put some appletini on your dick
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
