Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
