I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
