You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
