don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
