Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The best revenge is premature balding
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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