Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
