We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
