who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
