I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
