put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
