my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
