We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
