cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
