Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
